brian ellis

I do composing and computers

2020-4-20

In the classic long-term project goal setting, I made it past three and then immediately stopped for a long time. I was rather underwater for the last couple weeks. Moving apartments and getting my feet under me again firmly and feeling the distance of meg wanting absolutely nothing to do with me have all taken a little bit of time to come to terms with. However, as is the case with how I approach these things, the fact I have time and mental capacity to write says that we've moved forward somewhat. At least a little.


Now, for the first list of what will likely be regular installments of "Things Brian is Excited about":
  • Making sound installations in my living room - There are a couple I have in mind. Two involve projection art, one of which is already made, and the last one will involve purchasing lots of roses. Very excited to see how these go.
  • Blackout curtains to arrive - Holy cow am I ready to get a good night's sleep and not be woken up at 6:30 with the sun.
  • Learning the rest of Fredrick Hand's Leslie's Song

2020-4-3

We've made it past the dreaded three day mark of any long haul project, with only one major break in updates! The past several days have been a combination of a complete whirl wind of activity, and a complete exhausted slump from said whirl wind. I'm finding solace in the fact that I do still have the presence of mind to force myself to socialize with friends, enjoy the outdoors, and eat delicious food. The only next steps now are those that force me to engage and be productive on projects other than my own wellbeing.

In news updates, I have put my name down on a new apartment, and have begun the arduous process of thinking, planning, day dreaming, and dreading the beginning of packing.

2020-3-25

Had a long day of meetings this afternoon, talking to people in some capacity or another exercising the "social/emotional" muscle from noon till midnight. Highlights were the recognition that I am emotionally drained and kind of exhausted about many aspects of life at the moment, and trying to figure out a path towards taking a break resolving some of this built up self-care-debt.

Chatted with Ram about some of the work I am doing and we made a plan for how to start executing. (was going to say "a bit faster, better", etc. but in reality we are just trying to move towards executing at all) Also a notable highlight was chatting with Jonathan where we got to review some really awesome proposals and chat about who we want to work with going forwards, as well as calls with Kimberly and Sean as I am just hopping back and forth between my composer and performer hats. Also mom's birthday :) happy birthday!

Nothing like a good end of the evening chat with tears just quietly rolling down the face for no good specific particular reason, but just the reason of *gesticulates resignedly into the air*.

Time for a teeth brush and a sleep.

2020-3-24

The birds are really loud outside the window this morning here in Baltimore. Still deciding how many names to drop in here and how much tea to expose. Maybe we'll have an answer tomorrow.

2020-3-23

hi - I'm turning this into a journal of sorts. I'll currently be modeling myself off of Brad Garton's diary, but until I have my own style expect things to be a little rocky as I figure myself out.

Covid-19 started a year ago, and we've just passed the big anniversaries for that mark. Lori announced today in the workplace group that life will be status-quo as far as offices are concerned until at least September 7th. This is giving me a lot of hope and a lot of grounding in trying to figure out some of the medium-sized questions of life that I've been working through (where to live, and if I should jump ship on the job), even as I'm lucky that the big picture ones remain relatively in focus.